Scribbles

AAAAAAARGH!

Daaaaaaamn this makes me go gdalfgkajfgklajglkafjglkaf.

Apparently moving to the new office means that I have less space, I have to wear business attire everyday, no internet web surfing, no YM chats and worst of all... no music. gakljglakjgklajgklafjgfkl

Yeah, spare me the "You should be mature about this" comments. Its quite hard to suddenly adapt to an oh so formal environment when I was used to a place where I can pretty much do anything and get away with it.

The good news about this is that I'd be able to learn how to act like a professional employee. The bad news is that I have less time for fun. *headdesk* But I looove fun. *headdesk* I go home late in the evening almost everyday already and I still have damn fucking work on saturdays. Woe is me. My internet life... ;A; My music ;A;. Gaaaaaah!

Hopefully I would be able to adapt smoothly. Good thing is that I have my Ichigo with me. Without my DS I would go totally insane. Kidding. I think... ORZ.

I don't know how I'll go on without music though. I thrive on music and noise. Silence makes me feel deaf and it irritates me to no end.

I'm not planning to resign though. I want to complete my 2 years of service since most of the companies that I read in the classified ads look for candidates with that type of experience. After that I don't know what I'll do. Maybe look for a new job. Damn. I'm just too lazy to look.

Maybe I'll just take this as a challenge. I really do need to grow up and act mature about these things. But I seriously want to have my saturdays free. If I didn't have work on saturdays I might not even complaining since I'd get as much free time as I want. But life sucks. True story. I have to learn to deal with it. Gah. Growing up is such a pain in the arse.  

Good luck to me then. Fight-O!

Waiting for tomorrow to come

I had a breast ultrasound last monday and the results wasn't good. I have eight (8) cysts in my breasts right now. Four in the left and another four in the right. Its quite scary but I'm going to tackle this in a GAR way. Crying or worrying would do me nothing. I would just pray about this.

I actually didn't want to blog about this but I want to get over it. I want to do whatever I have to do and live my life to the fullest. Nothing's gonna bring me down. Not even breast cysts.

I have to be strong. I'm just 23. I still have a life to live.

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I often ponder about life and the meaning of everything. One of things that I had learned is that change is the only permanent thing in this life. Problems will come and go. The important thing is how you deal with the obstacles that would come your way. These cysts are obstacles and I will overcome them.

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Cosplay shoot on saturday. Am still fixing my costume. I think I need to buy a new white top. Not telling what we would do... lest I jinx it. Am excited though. I miss my famiglia so much.

And oh, welcome Dani and Marien to the famiglia!

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:) I'm happy that I learn a lot of things everyday. One of these is that prejudices and judgements can be changed and should be changed. I was really prejudiced against this certain person for quite a while but I'm learning and I am willing to let go of these judgements so I can take another look by using another perspective. You see, people aren't two dimensional so I want to know another part of the 'story'. I might even be surprised and become happy that I did take another look.

I'm trying to stop myself from judging too quickly. It IS one of my main weaknesses and its hard to stop myself when I detect utter bullshit. I have a radar for those kinds of things. As I said in a post before, I tell things as it is. If I see something that I don't like I would tell it. If I would say that I like something then it is probably true. I hate "plasticity" or the "orocan" type of thinking, thus I strive for honesty. 

I know that I am not right all the time so I welcome it when I am proven wrong. Why? Its because I can learn something new. I like it when I can see things in another way. I like it when I can argue with someone and that person can make me see another kind of view... that is if the said person can prove me wrong XD 

I guess that comes with having a lawyer for a father. To argue with dad is like that. I wouldn't follow him unless he can prove me wrong and most of the time he can. He has this way of letting me see things differently thus I respect him for it. May it be metaphysical lectures, political musings or debates about religion. Dad is awesome that way. And that's also one of the reasons why I compromise a lot. He makes me see reason too well.

Anyway, that's it for now. :) I'm off to lunch!     

Depressed

This is probably the third time that I had created a memorial post for my beloved guinea pig. I guess this is how I'm trying to cope with the fact that I can't hug or see my little sushi anymore. Its hard for me since I really love my pets and when I love something I find it hard to let go.

I don't think I'll get a new guinea pig but I'll probably buy a shih tzu in the future. Its like my sister's turtle, Igor. There is just one Igor and just getting another one wouldn't be the same.

So here's my tribute to my cute fluffy pig. I'll miss your squeaks a lot.

Sushi

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In other news....

>__> Really, I never knew that multiply can spawn such drama llama dramu. I survived the Idiot-Multiply-Summer-of-Wank. I can't believe that there would be idiots like that in multiply. The type of idiots who enter another person's blog, goes to create sock puppet accounts  then proceeds to whine about it like a primadonna. Even if I read someone else's journal I always remind myself that what is written within a journal is the owner's business - even if I find it insulting. Its what you call respect. It would be a different thing it it was a forum but then again the idiots' brains do not exist. I wasn't even brutal too. I just pointed out something that several veteran cosplayers might have already thought about. The difference is that I have the balls to blog about it. Kufuuu.

DEATHNOTE COSPLAY DRAMU = INSTA' FAIL

I've been called a bitch (is that even an insult? I'd even call that a compliment!), a youkai (at least I'm evil >8D), a person with a high and mighty personality (No, I just got high standards... which also includes my own cosplay. I criticize my own self to death.), and a judgemental person (Which is true, really. And I'm not even insulted since this is one of my known weaknesses. It comes hand in hand with having high standards).

The funny thing is that I was amused by the whole thing. I didn't get angry until the fucker turned on my friends and started to do some name calling. (>__>) That, and the time when a new fucker entered my blog and whined away before his brain finished analyzing what I wrote. Really, I hate it when people twist my words. I didn't even say anything bad about the D.grayman group cosplay and yet this idiot claims that I did. There weren't any specific persons involved so how could that happen? *headdesk*

Ang sabi ko nga dati: "Batu bato sa langit, ang tamaan ay tanga at paranoid"

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I need to do something different for a change. I've been playing Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow for a week now. I like the game but after a while I got tired of it. I'm at the clock tower stage now and those Medusa heads are giving me a hard time.

I'm thinking of giving my DS lite a bit of rest for a while so I can do some other productive hobbies like music (MUST FINISH THAT PIECE LIKE RLY. ORZ.) and painting/drawing (a must too. I have ideas but I'm too lazy to start on anything), take photos (I have a DSLR now, I'm just too lazy to get started) or even write a story (something that I am having a hard time at doing since I'm too bothered by my grammar mistakes. Anyone want to become my beta reader?). Its funny that I have lots of ideas but I have a hard time executing them. 

I want to do so many things that I end up doing nothing at all. Its frustrating that I know how to do each and every one of these but I can't seem to concentrate on just one thing. I want to do them all. God, I wish I didn't have work on saturdays so I would have extra time for hobbies. And please give me some focus because I severly lack it.   

I guess I should learn to SHUT UP AND JUST DO IT!

Orz. 

YA-HAAAAA!

YA-HAAAAAAA!

Ozine fest was fun fun fun fun! I attended the con with my fellow Omerta famiglia members, namely Shinji (as kid Simon), Chi (as time-skip Simon), Kat (as uber WIN! MOE MOE Nia), Ash (as GAR gay Kamina) and Miggeh (as time skip pretty Viral). Kufuu!

I came as time skip emo boy Rossiu, my first try at crossplay at a con. I've had two mind numbing realizations during the duration of my crossplay. First, is that binding hurts a lot. Second, is that I have a large forehead. ORZ. Perfect for Rossiu cosplay though. XD Can't wait for the photoshoot! It will be GAR and EPIC to the extreeeeeeeeme! We will pierce the heavens with our GARness or GAYness in my case. I'm really too girly and too hyper to crossplay boys. I like dancing a lot and acting wacky so I ended up as an uber fabulous emo boy Rossiu - with multi colored dotted underwear (that shinji pointed out for the amusement of everyone.)

I hope that I wasn't made of FAIL on that day. I think I did okay. I did have the twang right and I think my costume was ok (higher than average but not the best though). And I think that the rest of us were ok too. Miggeh's costume was pure win. Shinji looks too cute as kid Simon. Kat got the MOE part of Nia just right. And Ash and Chi looked perfect for their parts.

Gurren Dan - pic from Kunebitt

I realized that I miss hanging out with my friends during cons. And I miss the lol experience when a few random otakus who can point out what our cosplay was. I found it LOL worthy that most of the people who realized who we were are males. Well, its understandable since Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann is oozing with testosterone. Kamina is proof of that. He's just too manly *huggles* and too cute *is shot*

I also realized that I'm greatly annoyed by the sudden influx of D.grayman cosplayers. Srsly, we already did D.grayman TWO YEARS AGO when nobody paid any attention to it. And now its liek ZOMG D.grayman 11eleventy1! Its like the new Naruto or the new Bleach and it irritates the hell out of me. There were WIN D.grayman cosplays though (which makes up for the irritation that it gave me). But the F4IL just makes me weep. Really, isn't there ANYONE who can get the right hair color of Ravi? I guess it makes me irritated that most people cosplay something just when it becomes popular (local wise). Take Naruto and Bleach for example.... and Deathnote.

OH GOD DEATHNOTE. 

Don't get me started on that.

But I shall rant because I can.

ZOMG! I R DEATHNOTE COSPLAYER BECAUSE I HAS DEATHNOTE NOTEBOOK! DON'T CARE IF HAIR COLOR NO RIGHT! DON'T CARE IF MISA COSPLAY LOOK SHIT! DON'T CARE IF L LOOKS LIKE MUCHOS GRASAS! I HAS NOTEBOOK SO I R KIRAAAAAA!

*huff*

Really, (>__>) <--- this was my expression everytime I saw a Deathnote cosplayer. Come on people! Is it really that hard to cosplay characters whose dress code is so simple that you can practically just grab a white long sleeved top from any normal closet and label it as ZOMG "L" TOP!!! Is Deathnote so simple that people can just simply fail by even attempting to do it? And most of the Deathnote cosplayers that I saw were unrecognizable. Meaning, without that notebook you look like a random moron my dear. I saw a lot of ph4il on that day. My eyes. I cannot unsee.  

I'm not the best cosplayer there is. Granted, I also have my moments of fail (and I have lots) but at least I take the extra effort to make my cosplay accurate as possible and learn then correct past cosplay mistakes. I've learned a lot and I think I've improved a lot from wigs, contacts, make-up and costume. I still have a lot to improve on and I strive on it. So it really irritates me when I see idjuts who settle for  mediocore cosplaying. orz. Really, if you are even going to try to cosplay please do it right. Or if you failed the first time then make the effort to fix your failure the second/third/or whatever time around. That's how I learn and improve.

Anyway that's it for now. Ah, I feel so good after a good rant. I want GL photoshoot! And P3 photoshoot! And plz a D.grayman photoshoot since we never really did have a photoshoot for this.

I'm here...

Oh hello there vox! Its been a long time ever since I've used you in a frequent manner.

Ever since I got my DS I've been skipping my internetz. I haven't been online much and has been retreating into my anti-social hole once again. Gah. I miss everyone though. Tamad lang ako mag computer ngayon. Ahahahaha.

I'm supposed to go to Ozine today but today is also my grandmother's birthday. We will be celebrating at home so they need me there. My grandma will turn 95 today so its quite special. I really don't know how long she would stay alive and kicking (she's a fighter though, so I don't worry about "that" coming too soon) so I decided to attend her party instead. (T0T) And oh, my mother will also kill me if I'm not there.

I'll try to do some disappearing act and try to appear at MJ's birthday party tonight, but I'm not sure though. I miss Omerta so much. ;A; Chats are good but Live-Action Chatting is even much better. Gawd, I'm gonna hug everyone if I ever see them later on. And here's to me wishing that I could be in two places at once.

But I'm sure that I'll be at the Ozine Fest tomorrow. Rossiu costume is at home. Not yet complete but at least its there already. MUST. FINISH.COSTUME. FOR PURE EPIC EMO AWESOME. I'm not actually fond of Rossiu's character but its a challenge. And its GL for Chrissakes! For GL cosplay I'd do anything! (except a yoko cosplay because I sorely lack in the boobies area. Even a Leeron cosplay would be fun because its LEERON LE FABULOUS GAR GAYNESS)

And I also need to finish the Yoko wig. ORZ. Gawd. I need time! time! time!

Damn fail tailor ruined my schedule (didn't sew up the costume right even if I LEFT THE DAMN SET OF INSTRUCTIONS WITH A PICTURE OF THE COSTUME gjakljglfkajgklajglkagmlkfaj). I was supposed to pick the damn thing up on thursday but the tailor wasn't finished with it. He even forgot to put the side slits. ZETSUBOUSHITAAAAAA my tailor has left me in despair. Good thing that I'm resourceful. Double sided tape practically saved my life and time since I didn't need to sew the sides anymore, just tape it up.

Making costumes is fun. But my mother thinks its childish. She practically mocked me last night. And I practically bit her head off. Really, you're complaining that your daughter has a uber l33t harmless  hobby. I'm not even drinking, smoking, taking drugs or having sex mom! Let me have my geek life in peace! Just accept the fact that you have an uber awesome weird daughter and get on with it! Oh god! Cosplay is like soooooo juvenile 11eleventy1! 

But really, I don't really care if people think that I'm stupid. Yeah, yeah I'm getting old but heck no one's gonna stop me. Because its fun. Harmless fun. Let's see if she would continue to mock me if I go the other extreme way around (drinking, drugs, sex, smoking and partying) but I'm not that stupid to do such boring things. She should even thank the Gods that my only vice is cosplay and teh internetz. My brand of fun may be different but its fun nonetheless.

Sometimes I really want to fight back at my over protective parents. But its not worth the headaches and the chaos. >__> Isipin na lang nila na buti eh sumusunod pa ako sa kanila. And tanda tanda ko na eh. Potra. Mabait lang talaga ako. Kung ibang bata nasa lugar ko eh malamang naglayas na at humiwalay na. Potek. Mahal ko kayo at alam kong mahal niyo ako kaya pinapabayaan ko na lang.

Gah. Compromising = MY LIFE.

Its hard pero kasi alam ko naman na mas mahirap na mag away away kami dahil lang sa maliliit na bagay na ganyan. Sawa na rin ako makipag away at umiyak eh kaya compromise na lang. Saka dati pa ako natuto. The best way to live your life is not to tell your parents everything.

I swear, pag nagka anak ako, by the time na magka trabaho siya eh bahala na siya sa buhay niya. Ewan ko kasi sa magulang ko masyado mapagmahal na hanggang ngyaon di pa rin maka let go kahit may trabaho na ako at lahat. Naiintindihan ko pa nung college ako. Sige mag strict kayo pero HELLO?! nag tratrabaho na ako! Sume-sweldo na ako! Tapos nag re-reklamo pa sila na may social life ako! POTEK ANO GAGAWIN KO SA BAHAY? ANO MAS MAGANDA MAGKA SOCIAL LIFE AKO O MAG MADRE NA LANG AKO KASI PARANG GANUN RIN ANG MADRE DIBA NAKAKULONG LANG SA KUMBENTO!

Ahahaha. Ayan. Na high blood nanaman ako. Obvious na obvious dahil nagtatagalog na ako. Mag magic act talaga ako mamaya. Lilitaw na lang sa party ni MJ. Bahala na! Basta swear bukas mag cosplay talaga ako.

Happy

I admit that sometimes I whine a lot about not being able to afford everything that I want. I do have hobbies to spend on and most of the time these hobbies leaves a scorch mark on my dilapidated wallet. I juggle my money between food, transportation, beauty products, clothes/shoes, cosplay (which is really my main hobby right now), photography tools, art materials and such. And I rarely buy things over 1,000 pesos unless its a) worth every penny b)something that I won't forget about after a week has passed. (My NDS lite passed both categories thus I bought my beloved Ichigo) Heck, I'd even pass up buying a 1,000 php pair of shoes when I can buy something similar for 500 php. After all, I'm just a middle class working citizen with a salary that can barely cover everything that I want in life. I really can't relate to the whiney A & B class spoiled brats who have all the money in the world to spare but spends them on unimportant things. 

I've been thinking about these things because I was hooked to the Brian Gorrell and DJ Montano scandal. Its not my usual cup of tea but its so addicting that I've been refreshing the blog as often as I can. I've been surfing the blog and reading every itty bitty reactions and juicy gossip that "insiders" leave in the comment section. Its like a circus, the only difference is that these clowns parade themselves in branded clothes and paint their faces with drugs. They pretend to be higher than thou just because they are well off, have money to spare and have connections in the higher ups of the well to do society. My current obsession with the blog also led me to reading a set of notorious tell all gossip books written by the catty Kitty Go. (Thanks Crissy for lending me the goods, it was helluva interesting). And reading about all these made me think of only one thing.

Thank God I was born a middle class citizen!  

These social climbers, drug addicts and spoiled brats makes me feel lucky to be where I am right now. Screw the fact that I can't afford everything! Who fucking cares if I can't even pronounce the word GUCCI right! Or if I don't embrace society pages or even hang out with famous celebrities. At least I don't spend my money on drugs that may permanently zap out my braincells or on branded clothing that will only be appreciated by the materialistic and the superficial set of "tupperware" clowns. 

I may not be rich money wise but I have a family who cares for me and true friends that money or even fame cannot buy. I have a set of values and morals that I stick to. That, my friends, is what makes me truly happy. My life may not be perfect or glamorous nor rich with branded bags but at least I know what really counts.

As they say, the things that really matter in life cannot be bought by money nor fame alone. Money can make you temporarily sated but it can never really replace true happiness.  

Life is a Dream

I realized that I was keeping myself cooped up in my anti-social hole again. It might not be that apparent but I felt that I was isolating myself from other people. My officemates, my HS friends, College friends, and yeah even my friends from Omerta. I feel depressed. Unhappy and all that jazz. But then again its up to me if I want to feel this way or if I want to stay like this.

I'M A SAGITTARIUS FOR CHRISSAKES! My inner sag is crying out for the blasphemous way I'm acting! Sags are supposed to be the life of the party! The one who is supposed to be happy and carefree and social and whatnot! *bangsheadagainstwall*

Oh happy-happy-joy-joy gays... I mean days... where art thou? Really, I don't know but I think I left my funny bone somewhere. I used to crack jokes all the time but now I only listen and laugh. I just want to slap myself for feeling this way AND for acting this way. I want to break free from my self-made chains.

So yeah, from now on I'll give more effort to stop myself from being emo. I want to be happy. I choose to be happy. I want to experience the world more. To have fun. To live my life to the fullest!

Wish me luck and lots of love~

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I want a Nintendo DS Lite like really. I really don't know how to play games but hell it was fun when I tried Angela's NDS. Total love. I want a pink one or a blue one. I don't know whether I should buy a NDS or a tablet though.But I'm not in the mood to draw right now. Yeah, NDS it is then.